A Window in the Roof

Anonymous

Issue date: 4/14/09 Section: Variety

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"Why am I even seeing this now?! I'm already dead-can't I just stay dead?"

"You need to understand the reasons for your demise," she said again.

"I know the reason for my demise, I killed my brothers." There was hollowness in my chest that seemed to be getting deeper and deeper.

"Yes . . . but there's more." Her voice seemed to fade in and out as she spoke, as if she were skipping from this timeline to the next. "You never cradled any love or consideration for anyone but yourself. Your misanthropy has caused many people pain and anguish. This is how your pain will begin. Watch and see."

This time, I saw in the crystalline well, me at seven, playing cops and robbers with Tyler, a kid who lived next door. I made him be the robber, and I was the cop. We were in the backyard; Mom and Dad were in the house . . . somewhere; Mike was out playing football with Thomas and some friends.

"Jay?"

"Yeah."

"I don't want to be the robber any-more. I'm always the robber," Tyler whined. He was always such a baby, and he was a year older than me.

"Well, that's all you're really good at Thomas, so suck it up. We all can't be good guys you know," I told him. Then he started to cry.

"Jeez--what are you wailing about? You better stop before my Mom and Dad think I'm doing sop'm to you."

He cried even louder.

"Will you shut it Tyler! You're acting like a big retard!" I yelled.

"I'm n-not a retard! I'm n-not s-st-st-stupid," he stammered.

He was leaning against the side of the big pine tree that was facing my house. The tree was pretty big, so it was impossible to see anything on the other side of the tree from his house. He was just leaning there, balling his eyes out; snot running down and into his mouth. That was the first time I felt like I could actually kill someone. He just looked so pathetic--like a waste of cells, blood and bones. I honestly believed that another being deserved his life. I always felt that he was left here by his alien family, because they couldn't stand him anymore. I told him that once too; he cried and told our teacher that I called him an orphan alien. Stupid kid got me in detention for a week.

"Jay, are you going to be nice to me now?" he asked quite stupidly.

My eyes started to burn from all the blood that was pumping in my head. It was like a jackhammer was digging through my skull, my brain--it's getter louder--no the jackhammer is in my chest, no, my eyes. It burned so bad . . .

Continued...

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